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( This is a tentative list, of some questions that are likely to come up should someone who's not familiar with sporking wander onto here. )

Edited 3/2/12
Edited 5/15/12
Edited 5/23/12

Please do not forget to nominate your favorite entries for the Golden Sparkles! All sections are still wide open!

Day three of I wuv Collin Week!

Story: Collin And His Effed Up Imprint They say don't judge a story by its title. But, I'm judging it. This will surely be nominated for the 5th annual Golden Sparkle Awards!
Author: bb.BlueBunny Isn't that a brand of icecream?
Stats: 9 "chapters" (There's a prologue, but it's literally one sentence long. Knowing what a prologue is fail), 12,963 words total, ~1440 words/chapter, 7 reviews

Name: Maddison "Maddie" Creek
Species: Human
Hair:
Eyes:
Markings: "possibly the most terrifying person to walk in La Push. Ever.", she's described as being a bitch. "Thick eyelashes made even thicker with make-up and dark eyeliner" She's 16 years old.
Possessions: "the bright pink socks she was wearing right now" This is clearly very important. Later, she's only just wearing the one sock. Which amuses me greatly.

Pairings: Collin/Maddie
Her story: She's Jared's cousin.
Relationship to canon characters: So basically, no one likes her because she's what's described as "gothic". She's at Jared's house, and Jared is incredibly rude to her. She goes to leave, just as Collin is coming in, and he imprints on her. Maddie screams, runs back into the room and says that he imprinted on her. Then, Jared starts to freak out, which is funny, because he actually ends up freaking out more than Maddie does. Anyway, Maddie eventually runs off, and Emily randomly shows up to take Collin "for a walk". Collin starts to angst about how Maddie's two years older than he is, because, gods! Don't you know that it's against the law for a fourteen year old to be dating a sixteen year old!! That's sick and disgusting! Then, we're subjected to hear about the exact same thing, except from Maddie's POV. I'm really starting to get the picture, and I'm only in the third bloody chapter. I give up.
Anything else of note: You know, for all of the time that the author spent telling us that Maddie is a bitch and an all-together terrifying person, we don't actually SEE Maddie BEING a bitch or terrifying. Instead, the only thing that I see of her is a sad girl who's picked on, and it's pretty sad.

Sue rating:

( Have a sample! )

Don't forget to send in your nominations for the Golden Sparkles! I've received some nominations, but all of the catagories are still open! :)

Day two of I wuv Collin week!

Story: Happy Freaking Valentine's Day ...Yes. Your initial guess that this is a story revolving around a girl who hates loves and Valentine's Day who ends up finding love is spot on.
Author: BlondBanana
Stats: 2 chapters, 1,471 words total, ~736 words/chapter, 0 reviews

Name: Megan
Species: Human
Hair: Not mentioned
Eyes: "ice-blue"
Markings: Not mentioned
Possessions: An iPod

Pairings: Collin/Megan
Her story: Who knows.
Relationship to canon characters: Pretty much what I said above. She's a sour-puss who hates love and Valentine's day. She gets to school on February 14th and gags at all of the decorations that must have been up before. Anyway, she literally runs into Collin. She's a complete bitch about it, but Collin generally seems very sorry about what happened. However, Megan stops being a bitch once she realizes that it's her crush, the Hottie McHottie, Collin. They talk for a while before Megan leaves. She goes to class, but I don't know why she bothered because "We spent the rest of class listening to our respective iPods and not talking at all" (Yes, it's an actual line from the story. You know, we'd get our music players taken away if we even left them out on our desks when I was in high school. I know things have changed, but teacher's attitudes towards things like iPods probably haven't.) After lunch, Megan goes to her locker to get things and Collin is there, waiting for her. She's become a bitch again, and is all like "Yeah, whatever." Collin walks her to her next class, and the story ends there.
Anything else of note: This kind of writing really bothers me: it was Collin, whose delicious brown eyes bore down into my own ice-blue ones. Who thinks stuff like that? "Oh, Collin's eyes are brown! He is staring into my blue eyes! They're so pale blue, so beautiful... I think that the word to describe them would be ice-blue. Yeah. It's romantic, even though I don't apply logic to it and think for two seconds that ice doesn't have a color." It's not romantic, it's just bad writing and a cheap way to inform the readers what the character looks like. And it's bad writing! Did I mention that it's bad writing?

Sue rating:

( Sample. )

Don't forget to send in your nominations for the Golden Sparkles!

Introducing... I wuv Collin Week! And just who is Collin, you ask? You know, Collin! That one little boy in the La Push pack, probably mentioned half a dozen times in the last two books... because no one cares about background characters!

Story: My Guardian Angel
Author: Luna Vampyre How original. She also has a gawthic Charlie Bone Sue named Ebony. Gods, I want to spork it so bad...
Stats: 2 chapters, 1,206 words total, 2 reviews

Name: Alexa "Alex"
Species: Human
Hair: "dark hair that grew every which way"
Eyes: Not mentioned, could be brown
Markings: "copper skin", "I barely made it to 5 feet"
Possessions: "grey skinnies and a black tee that said 'I'm with the vampires.'", "a yellow Pikachu hoodie"

Pairings: Collin/Alex
Her story: She's Embry's little half sister.
Relationship to canon characters: She moved back to La Push from a year-round boarding school. Embry invites her to a bonfire that night, but she says no. Embry then bullies her into going, saying she doesn't have a choice. She goes to the party, everyone starts picking on her and then Collin saves her by telling the others off. The story ends there.
Anything else of note: Gods, it's been a while since I saw a sue that grated on my nerves this much. She's so bloody obnoxious! And the author is trying waaaay too hard to make her character both likable and cool, but ended up with this piece of obnoxious pre-teen drama.
Oy, if I wanted to sit and listen to girls whine about boys, I'd head over to the local junior high!

Sue rating:

( Oh, and I enjoy the things that the author says before the chapter start. Trying too hard, much? )

To celebrate the next 100 Sues, we're going to have a little celebration and give recognition to the best of the worst from the past 100!

The categories are:
Dumbest Title: Enough said: What's the stupidest title that I've featured in the past 100 sues?
Dumbest Penname: Much like “Dumbest Title”, what is the stupidest user handle that wrote a story that I featured in the past 100 sues?
Worst Sue Name: What is the dumbest, most WTF Sue name from the past 100 sues?
Most special character description: What is the absolute best, most LOL or WTF description of a character from the past 100 sues?
Dumbest possession: Since I've added a section that separates the possessions from the rest of the description, I figured that we should give the stupid objects their fair chance, too!
Most impossible plot: What is the most WTF or LOL plot that I've featured with the past 100 sues?
Dumbest canon connection: Much like impossible plot, what is the dumbest way for a Sue to be interacting with the Twilight cast?
Most OOC canon character: What character was just so completely out of character, it made you wish that the canon character would come back?
Most cringe inducing: Which story had the worst grammar and/or formatting errors that just made you want to scream and pull all of your hair out?
Best WTF story: Hands down, which story just made you go WTF?
Worst Crossover: What was the worst crossover, be it just bad plot or the general WTF are sparkly vampires doing THERE?
Worst Real-Life Story: What story featured over the past 100 sues was the worst that involved at least one or more actors/actresses from the Twilight movies?
Most Potential: Which story do you think could be really fantastic if the author applied themselves to working on it? Only 1/2 sparkles are eligible.
Best of the Worst: Fairy and four sparkle stories only.

To nominate, either leave a reply to this entry, send me a private message on livejournal or send me an email at: twilight.marysues@yahoo.com Nominations will be open for one week, before either 1) polls will go up to vote on the winners (if more than one nomination was submitted) or 2) the winners will be announced

Only sues from sue number 301 to sue number 400 will be eligible to be nominated, and any sue posted after this will only be eligible for the next Golden Sparkle Awards! You can find the archives for 301-350 here and the archives for 351-400 here.

Also, as a reminder, the authors who submitted sues for the OC Donation are not eligible for dumbest penname. Everything else is is okay, though. You can nominate as many for each category as you wish, but keep in mind that other people will want to nominate, too, and the poll website only offers 10 slots, so I will cut things down if I have to. :)

Story: AURORA, THA GRL WHO WAZ IN LUUV WIK WERWOLF Oh, how I love you, completely obvious troll.
Author: defepi I do have to give her credit... this penname mentions neither gothic, girls nor various amounts of 6s or Xs.
Stats: 12 chapters, 9,622 words total, ~802 words/chapter, 21 reviews, ~2 reviews/chapter

Name: Aurora Fancie Sparcle Saffire, later it becomes Aurora Fancie Sparcle Saffire Happi'ness Black. Okay, I get that she got married, but where the hell did the "Happi'ness" come from?
Species: Werewolf. Or should I say... wer wolf?
Hair: "i hav flowwing blon heir" Translation: I have flowing blonde hair.
Eyes: "saffire eyes" Translation: Sapphire eyes.
Markings: "i wear lots of sparcly makup on me eyes even tho im soo priity, (a/n ok if u think thats lame then F to tha U, werwofs are supozed 2 b gorjis and stepahhnt mayus sad so.)" I'll just leave this one alone... "whenn i am a werwolf i hav gold fur and i am smaler thenn the rest becuz im the onli girl ixept lee butt she iz a manli goth u no?" I think she means Leah... Dafuq does that even mean anyway? Since when was Leah "gothic"?
Possessions: "a sleevliss pink polo shurt wik a white pleeted miniskurt nd a white swetter tyed around me necc wik white nee sox nd hi heals"

Pairings: Jacob/Aurora
Her story: She and her sister, "Morninge", moved near Forks/forkz because they're both wer wolfs. Not fake werewolves like the Quileute tribe, but real werewolves.
Relationship to canon characters: She goes to Forks High, despite the fact that it was implied that Aurora and Morninge live a bit out of town. Anyway, she met some dude named Jacob Blue, whom Aurora thinks is Zeus' gift to the world. Since you know... Christianity is too mainstream. Jacob Black/Blue is with Bella Swan, who keeps slipping in puddles and Jacob's all like "she's so stupid". Anyway, Jacob took one look at Aurora and knew that she was a werewolf. They sit together at lunch, and Jacob tells her all about how he's a werewolf/shifter, and tells her about the rest of his pack. After school, they go to La Push, where Aurora meets everyone else. In the second chapter, basically, Jacob and Leah get into a fight because Jacob wants to sleep with Aurora. And then they kiss and I think that they eat something... I'm not quite certian, the grammar is getting worse.
In the third chapter, Aurora comes home and her sister confronts her, asking if she slept with Jacob. Aurora confirms this, then tells her sister that Jacob likes an article of clothing, and then they dance around together. Then, Jacob came over and "sexy-talked" with her before giving her tickets to a Jon Mayer concert. Then, Leah/Lee showed up, and acted all "jelly" because she wanted to go to the concert. Leah and Jacob fought before Aurora went to the concert with Jacob anyway and got Jon's autograph. I skipped the fourth chapter, but in the fifth chapter, they're at some sort of party where Spin the Bottle is being played. Aurora walks in on Leah and Jacob making out, she gets mad and tears down all of Leah's "gothic" posters on her wall. Then, for some reason, Aurora's sister is in the hospital because she jumped off of a building because Quil called her a "depressing whore". And... um... apparently, that party was their wedding party, and Aurora killed Leah. 0.o Anyway, Aurora confronts Jacob about all of this the next day at school, but then someone tells her that she has to leave because she's causing a disturbance, so she's being transferred to the "Blacc Whole of Sadniss Acadmy".
After this, Aurora tries to jump off of a building, but because wolves heal so fast, this didn't kill her. Jacob is at her bedside when she wakes up, and they start making out. They're about to have sex, when Alison/Alice comes in and wants revenge for something or another. Aurora tells Jacob to go have homosexual relations with a member of his pack, but Jacob begs for Aurora's forgiveness. I guess that they go home instead and have sex there. The next morning, Aurora wakes up and... SHE'S PREGNANT. (Yeah, totally didn't see that coming...) Jacob then learns about her transfer to the other school and gets really upset over this, which makes Aurora upset. I skipped to chapter 10, where Aurora is at Billy's place, trying to figure out how to make Jacob jelly. Then, "TARA GILESBY" shows up, and I just about died. And then, because this story wasn't awesome enough, Billy transformed into Zeus. I give up.
Anything else of note: 0.o My mind has become a puddle.

Sue rating:

( Twilightsues is not responsible for your mind becoming a puddle should you attempt to read this! )

I think that it's time for another OC contest. I was more than a little surprised to see that this contest only had two entries, and was still up past the time given by the author when she claimed that it would be taken down. But, since it's still up... it'll be subjected to mockery.
As a reminder, only the creator of the contest is eligible for worst penname, since I have yet to feature the other authors. All other categories are still open, however.

Story: OC Contest Original title, but hey... at least she's honest!
Author: farrahda5hy

Entry One:
Creator: cleo4ever44

Name: Maryann
Species: Vampire
Hair: "short wavy brown shoulder length hair"
Eyes: Topaz
Markings: 16 years old, born on "november 26 1980" [sic]. "round baby face, button nose and bright ruby red lips. Slim figure standing at 5"4"
Possessions:

Her story: She's from France. She was hit by a drunk driver one night, and a nomad saved her by turning her into a vampire.
Relationship to canon characters: "She seems unfazed by the cullens [sic] but secretly she really likes them" This is all that the creator put.
Anything else of note: The creator also put this after her entry: "i'm done...wow that was lots of work" You hardly put anything at all! Gosh!
Also, she's got a bunch of Twilight stuff, so expect to see her sometime in the future...

Entry Two
Author: Deathmetal180 Hey, no. Not cool. Stay away from the good music! Also, she doesn't have any Twilight stuff...

Name: Marcus Alessandro Massimo
Species: Vampire
Hair: "black short hair in a fauxhawk"
Eyes: "eyes dark brown"
Markings: He's 5'3", "tone body", whatever that's supposed to mean... Born on "12/21/1000". Also... this: Personality: Childished I normally don't put personality, but this just cracks me up. Child-i-shed. Yes. Goin' on a shirt!
Possessions: "wears a lot of black and chains"

His story: He's just some sort of student.
Relationship to canon characters: He was walking along one winter night when he slipped, rolled down a hill, fell onto a river/lake/stream/body of water, broke through the ice and would have drowned had the "Voturi" not shown up to change him.
Anything else of note: Okay, so correct me if I'm wrong... but the Volturi are a group of vampires who live in Volterra, Italy. This group is a bit of a vampire royalty/vampire government, and they are ruled by Aro, Marcus and Caius. Aro, Marcus and Caius are very old vampires, and they do not have known surnames. Their surnames are NOT Volturi. The Volturi is a very large group of vampires. So when someone says something like "The Volturi fishes me out of the river and turned me into a vampire", the only thing that I can picture is a group of thousands of vampires fishing one human out of the river and then each of them giving him a bite to save his life.
Which is WAY more amusing than it should be right now!

Anyway, both of the entires earned a collective rating of...
Sue rating:

Story: Why did he have to change you?? (Edward Cullen Love Story)
Author: tornadoBAM ...the hell...?

Name: Elizabeth "Lizzie"
Species: Vampire
Hair: Not mentioned
Eyes: Not mentioned, could be black/red/gold
Markings: Not mentioned
Possessions: Not mentioned

Pairings: Edward/Lizzie
Her story: She's a vampire Sasha Denali created. (You know... the old leader of the Denali clan who was killed because she turned so many babies into vampires?) Yeah. That crazy lady.
Relationship to canon characters: Anyway, Sasha leaves Lizzie with Carlisle, so they move to Chicago. They become doctors, despite the fact that Lizzie can't be that old of a vampire. Anyway, shortly after they move there, the Spanish flu hits... you know... the one that killed Edward's parents and nearly killed him? Well, anyway... blah-blah-blah, that happens, Carlisle changed Edward, and Lizzie fell in love with him. But, Edward left for a few years to "figure out how to be a vampire". Esme shows up, blah-blah-blah... The story ends with Lizzie taking Esme out on her first hunt.
Anything else of note: Blah. I hate these "forgotten character" stories. It makes the entire reason why the Cullen clan became so large seem... pointless. If Carlisle hadn't been lonely, then he wouldn't have changed Edward. And probably not Esme, especially if his companion was another woman.

Sue rating:

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